The Root and Rise Podcast | Personal Growth, Motherhood, & Healing Trauma

How to Heal Your Inner Child and Break Generational Cycles of Trauma with Cynthia Ngoy

August 30, 2022 Breanne Smith / Cynthia Ngoy Episode 34
The Root and Rise Podcast | Personal Growth, Motherhood, & Healing Trauma
How to Heal Your Inner Child and Break Generational Cycles of Trauma with Cynthia Ngoy
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, we are gifted with so much wisdom from the amazing Cynthia Ngoy - a cycle-breaking mother of two, transformational business and mindset coach, who specializes in helping mompreneurs unlock their authentic expression in their life and on their socials. 

The focus of our conversation today was breaking cycles of generational trauma and healing your inner child - but chatting with her was so much fun that we also covered so many other important topics in motherhood, such as…

We will discuss:

  • Identity shift and identity loss in motherhood
  • Losing yourself in motherhood
  • Matresence
  • How to know when it’s time to shift careers?
  • Motherhood brings up parts of you that need to be healed
  • Choosing to walk away from the career you thought you wanted
  • When what you want in life changes
  • How motherhood changes you
  • Generational trauma and generational healing
  • Healing your inner child
  • Exercise for inner child healing and inner child work
  • Breaking cycles
  • Having compassion for your parents
  • Forgiving your parents for their generational trauma
  • How to handle triggers in motherhood
  • How to regulate your emotions with toddlers
  • Helping toddlers learn how to cope with their emotions
  • Speaking your truth and taking back your power
  • Empowering yourself
  • Healing yourself
  • Feeling confident and capable within yourself
  • Finding your purpose
  • Following your joy
  • Turning your passion into your purpose
  • Reframing negative thinking
  • How limiting beliefs are holding you back
  • How to overcome limiting beliefs
  • Leaving the corporate world to care for children
  • Leaving the corporate world to start your own business
  • Starting a business at home

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Hi, friends and welcome to the root and rise podcast. My name is Breanne, and with each episode I intend to plant some seeds of insight, help you water them with love and send you off with a little extra light to help you root and rise today. We are talking about healing, our inner child and breaking cycles of generational trauma with Cynthia Ngoy.

But first, I would like to acknowledge you, my listener and friend for being here with me today, you are the reason for this podcast. I appreciate your presence, and I'm really excited to help you root and rise. We are doing something a little different on the podcast today. I have a special guest. If you already listen to my episode on how to reparent yourself, you already know who my special guest is, and if you haven't yet, make sure you go and listen to it.

It goes hand in hand with everything that we talk about. I also have over 40 inner child journal prompts for free on my website for you. The link is in the show notes. I found Cynthia Ngoy on TikTok and absolutely fell in love with her. It became even more obvious. Once we started talking that we were going to become close friends.

Her mission is to empower women, to do the pivotal inner work, to heal intergenerational trauma, reclaim their voice and speak their authentic truth so that they can be the life changing visionaries. They were always meant to be. Cynthia is a mom, a cycle breaker, and a transformational business and mindset coach who specializes in helping women unlock their authentic expression in their life and on their socials.

She has built a successful and impactful business from home all while consciously parenting her two toddlers and creating a movement in the online space, which is helping to normalize mental health and the struggles of a modern mamapreneur. What sets her apart in the industry is her innovative approach to creating a business that revolves around you, your values and the lifestyle you desire.

Not the other way around. The main reason I got on a call with Cynthia Ngoy was to talk about healing, your inner child and breaking generational cycles of trauma. However, she has gifted us with so many other amazing topics. We started talking about the identity shift and what feels like an identity loss in mother.

How to know when it's time to shift careers, how you can start breaking generational cycles at any point in your life. She even gave some tips on how to handle triggers in motherhood and regulate your emotions with your toddlers. I have a feeling you were going to love this conversation as much as I loved having it, we could have kept talking about so many other topics.

And I know for a fact you'll be seeing her on the podcast again. So without further ado, let's hop right into it. I found you on TikTok and I absolutely love the content that you make. I feel like it was such a breath of fresh air and even just seeing your t-shirt, that's why I wanted your Etsy link too, to be able to share that with others, like you said, it's heavy work and.

Knowing that you're not doing it alone. And knowing that you are kind of understood. I think, especially when trying to break family cycles, you're kind of the black sheep in the family. And I know my entire life I've felt super misunderstood people. Just not understanding how you can be different and that's okay.

And it's actually healthy. So your tiktoks have been a breath of fresh air, and I would love to hear a little bit about your experience with healing, your inner child, and. Generational trauma that you're breaking. 

Honestly, thank you so much for having me, because I feel so touched that you see me as someone that you want to listen to.

You want to have on your podcast. I know you have a platform and your people are just wonderful kindhearted mama's and mama's to be. And so I'm just really thrilled to be here and to get to share my story with you. Um, I'm a mom of two boys. They are three and one and my journey. With parenting well, with my spirit journey, awakening really happened when my first son Jeremy was born.

And, um, at the time I was working at this corporate job that I thought I loved, and it was checking all the boxes. It was like a big major TV, TV, production corporation. And I was. Constantly getting promoted and I loved it. Um, but once my son came into this world and I was on maternity leave and I gave myself full permission to just see what that was like and have no expectations whether or not I was gonna go back to work or, I mean, it was still in line, but I just gave myself full, full permission to just be a mom, whatever that looked like. And when it came time to go back to work is when I really struggled with leaving him to go back to this job that no longer was this like shiny sparkling plaque.

It was like, Leaving a piece of my heart behind to go to this career that I now realize was really toxic and not a good environment for humans . Um, but I, I was blind to that because I thought this is what you had to do in order to make the money, to have the stable life for my children. Um, so that really ignited, um, A lot of self discovery and really taking a hard look in the mirror of, um, who am I?

And is this who I want to be? Is this the life I want to be living? Is this the, the narrative that I wanna be passing down to my son? Like you leave the people, you love to go do a job just to make money and not feel fulfilled and not live into your fullest potential, you know? And so it was.  difficult, but an eye opening time where I was able to de like delve into a lot of resources of like, how do I learn.

who I am. And how do I learn about these narratives that I'm living in and like, what are limiting beliefs and how many do I have? And , what am I gonna be passing on? Like, is my son gonna inherit everything that I do? Like my fear of clowns and my habit of being late and my messiness and like, is he gonna inherit all of it?

And the answer was like a resounding like, well, yes, like. He's living it and seeing it, you know, and that for me was the biggest light bulb moment of like, Hey, let's wake up. Hey, let's see what all these things are. And let's be intentional about what we actually pass on to our children. 

I absolutely love that. I love. I mean entering motherhood is an identity shift in itself. You know, I think it probably happens with every kid that there's a slight identity shift. You are entering into a role in a world and a new life that changes everything before. And I love that you gave yourself permission to look at your life and instead of just going back to what you've always known and what has always been your normal, you were able to look at that and be like, do I even want, this? Is this serving me? And is this going to serve my new life and my child? 

Yes, exactly. I love that you pointed at that too, that identity shift and it almost for women and moms, it feels like an identity loss. Like everything that I used to care about, like clothes, fashion, hanging out with friends, like all that, just kind of like dwindles away.

And like, I mean, you can see it in like the seasons of my life, where I was like, literally in PJ's and like mom buns and like, you know, breast milk here. And then I spit up here and a little bit of like, who knows what that liquid is here. , you know, we, we really lose, um, the lifestyle that.  come to only know, you know, and, um, I, I wanna give all the moms just like full permission to just be where you're at and fully accept it because it took, for me, it took that loss of identity to then realize, like, I also cannot pour myself only in some motherhood and obsess about every little cough or every little, you know, sleepless night, you know what I.

I think that is so true. I think it's important to have your own little space within motherhood. I think it is really easy when you become a mother. I mean, you're overwhelmed in everything that you're doing, especially in the newborn phase is baby baby, baby, baby, baby. Every hour waking hour of your day is baby.

And once you get out of that, you're kind of like, What do I do now? Do I continue focusing and putting everything I have into motherhood? And who am I, who have I become? I look at myself and I haven't showered in weeks  and maybe not weeks, but maybe, I don't know, but having that moment and being able to look at it as an opportunity to kind of recreate yourself and some people I'm sure can go back to the life they had before, if they had intentionally built it.

And it was something that. Was really serving them and in a healthy way, I know that one of the things, when we very first talked about being, having you on this podcast, one of the lines that really stood out to me was how motherhood was like a portal for healing. Being able to take that experience and use it.

As an eye opening experience as something that shifts who you are in such a beautiful and intentional way. I know a lot of times when I hear people talking about therapy or healing and overcoming anything from their past, it almost feels too overwhelming. They feel like they're too far into who they are and too stuck in their ways to change.

And I think that to be able to hear from another respectable woman,  as an adult, they looked at their life and said, I think I wanna change some things. I think I want to heal some parts of me. I want to assess areas of my life and limiting beliefs that aren't working for me. Do you feel like this was something that you've thought about a lot in your life or did motherhood really just shake that out of you? And it was like a really eye opening life changing experience for you? 

Honestly. Um, motherhood really shook that out of me. It really, um, I think for the first time in my life, I had loved something more than I ever could have imagined. I'm like pulling up with tears. I think you guys all know the feeling of when you see a child and you're just like, oh my God.

Like, I don't even quite know you yet, but I just like fully love you. And I wanna pour in so much just joy and happiness into your world. And. Somehow repay you for the, the amount of depth and presence and gratitude I now have for this beautiful world, you know? Um, and so it really has been a portal into my healing because.

I don't think we realize for how much of our lives we've lived up to these expectations of ourselves or these like idealistic, like chronological orders of what we perceive our life should look like, you know, like, okay. The natural progression is you you're born, you go to school, you then go to high school and then.

Go to college and then you get a good job. And then after that you get married and you obviously have a really good career. And then you buy a house, have baby that are like, that was like the progression that like the milestones that you're meant to hit and meant to feel fulfilled and happy after these things happen.

And it wasn't until motherhood that I was. What, like I did all those things. I ha I I've done, like I did the college thing now. I'm like working on a really good job. And now I'm like, I have this kid and like, I don't feel like I've arrived. I don't feel like I'm fully me. If anything, I feel like further.

Than who I thought I was gonna be. And who am I really actually like, what do I actually care about? Because I once said, I cared about like, like promotion after promote promotion, like getting high into this space, but I'm like, I'm not even doing work that I like fully, fully love. I'm not actually even getting to.

Be at my highest potential. There's no room for that. Here. I'm a woman in a male dominant workforce. I was working in sports  and like there's space for me here. Yes. But it doesn't even feel right with my mission or my calling or the beautiful work that I wanna do in this world, which is like breathing life into.

Women and people who are here to make the world an like extremely better place and a kinder and gentler place for us to exist. Like that was really the way that it just gave me a whole new, fresh perspective of life and what it meant to live. I was just like, I don't want to on. Narrative of what they have to achieve and what they have to do in order to become happy, successful thriving.

Because here I am a like 30 something. I am quote unquote, successful on paper, but internally, like I wouldn't say I was living a life of my dreams. I wasn't pursuing the things that lit me up. I wasn't like fully prioritizing my family. Like I said, I. You know, I was sinking more of my time into work and making money and getting that promotion and making my parents proud, but I wasn't fulfilling like who I am as a person and my time wasn't aligning with what I said, I valued and I was missing out on.

Possible first steps and possible first words to make the money to live this lifestyle, quote, unquote, that I love, you know? Um, so it was that great awakening that kind of like rippled out into like, okay, how did this happen?  how did I get here? And what are the belief. Keeping me here because I now know, wait, this isn't the life, the path that I'm meant to live, but I'm also too scared to make changes.

It's been so long, like this is all I've known for 30 years. So how can I now break it all down and burn it to the ground and start something new. And for that, it was really giving myself permission to do it. At first and to focus on like just the little belief systems that I, I wanted to work within myself, um, really answering and loving on that inner critic that was constantly saying like, you're not doing enough like this isn't right.

And you're not doing it. And really fully understanding. Where that stemmed from and where that came from. Um, yeah, I hope that answers your question. I don't know where that took me soon.  no, I think it's, I think it's amazing. I, you do have to take a step back and especially when you have a little set of eyes looking at you, you know, you're no longer trying to check boxes and do what you think society or the world, or.

Your social circle wants from you. Now you have a different being that is now watching you, learning from you and the awareness that you have of what you are creating for them. And the agreements that they're walking into this world learning, you know, this is okay, this is not okay. This is what is expected of me.

This is not okay for me to do. Or there isn't space for that creativity of going off on a different path. I love how you sum it up. I mean, you're, you're easy to listen to. I'm very excited when you're looking at all of these limiting beliefs and breaking down what you've learned and what you've been working towards over the last 30 years.

I know that one of the really important pieces for me at least has been looking at my inner child. The one that was taught these ways of being in this world that was shown these learned behaviors and. You know the path that was expected for me. And I'd love to hear a little bit about you turning into yourself and looking at that inner child, what that looks like for somebody who might not know what their inner child looks like.

And I know you have a really awesome exercise that blew my mind when you shared it with me.  and I would love to hear more about that too. Yes. I actually heard this on a podcast years ago. Um, and it was by, um, Dr. Jen Chrisman, who was a clinical psychologist and. When she shared this exercise with me, my mind just kind of like blew up because I had been hearing a lot about like inner child work, trauma healing, and I didn't quite know like, okay, how do I do it though?

And this visual that she painted, which I've kind of adapted myself. And I take all my clients through this exercise now, because it's been so clarifying is the idea is you're on this bus. This bus is headed towards your dream life, whatever that may be, or maybe you're not clear where it's going, but there is this bus and the passengers on this bus are different versions of yourself, younger versions of yourself.

So I'll use myself an as an example. So there is the kindergarten version of me who. Super afraid of abandonment and is crying literally every single day that my mom draws me off. Cuz I don't wanna be there. And then there's the teenage version of me. Who's like full of angst. Like not just like not getting the attention she wants or.

I don't know, just lots of like feelings there in, in, in high school.  and then there's like this 16 year old version of me. Who's like newly freshly heartbroken from who she thought was gonna be the love of her life or high school, sweetheart. And then there's the adult version of me. Who's newly graduated and now.

Going into this world of like, okay, what's, what's gonna be my job for the rest of my life. Like, what's gonna make me the most money, but also like, bring me happiness, but also like all of these like narratives. Um, and then there's also like the professional version of me. Who's like, oh, I've now got this job.

Um, and it's like, amazing. Everyone's loving it. I get to like travel. I get to meet like pro basketball players and all of these things. So there's all these versions of me on the bus and they all also come. Belief systems or pains or traumas that they may or may not have yet resolved. And when you.  going towards a certain dream.

You have to ask yourself like, which version of me is driving the bus. Like, let's say for example, I knew that being in corporate wasn't for me, but I also wanted to start a business. However, starting a business requires you to be able to. You know, speak publicly network. Well, um,  yet I'm like socially awkward and I'm someone who's like typically the one hiding behind like the screen or like backstage, like making the posters, like designing props.

Right. So how can I then. Do what I wanna do, but that version of me is driving the butt. She's like, Nope, we're not doing that. Like talking in front of people like talking on podcasts. No, wait, Nope. We're not doing it. We're taking the bus around. I don't know where we're going, but we're not going that way.

Right. So you get clear on who these versions of you are and this exercise, I kind of like break it down to three different phases. And the first one is just identifying her.  and what I want to invite you in here is like, this is big work. Um, there are many versions of you that you may not have accounted for, that are on this bus.

And I wanna invite you to just focus on one, the first one that comes up for you. Um, but the first step is to just identify her, like, who is she? What is she experiencing? Um, like what does she look like? What general age is that? And like what visual comes out for you? Um, it's just like getting to have that visual of her.

It might be like looking through photos if you want to, to kind of jog that memory. Um, so identifying just. Who she is, what her life looks like at that time. Where is she living? The next part is getting to know her. What is her belief systems? Like? What is she thinking about? What does she think about how she needs to be in this world in order to make it in order to belong in order to receive love and acceptance of valid?

and the next step is to really give her compassion. So sometimes, especially when I was first doing this work, I would look back on previous versions of me and I would just be like, you're so embarrassing. Like I like cringe, you know, just like seeing you CR makes me cringe. Right. And that's what I currently.

See about her and that for me highlights the negative talk that comes up, you know, like, oh my gosh, you're so embarrassing. Oh my gosh, you said so many ums. Oh my gosh, like you said so many likes, what are you like 12? Right? So that's like the voice that comes up, that's the judgment that we have upon ourselves.

And that's why this exercise is so powerful because you get to see how you perceive yourself currently. And from there you get to choose. To no longer say those things to yourself, you get to validate her experience and you get to, this is a reparenting phase. You get to parent her the way you would've wanted to be parented and you get to love on her.

And for me, the version of me that comes.  um, when I see this as this short haired version of me and my mom is putting me in these like really cutey dresses that are like super itchy and super.  like, she loved them, but I was like, I hate this. Like, I feel terrible. And I, and I don't love it, but I was forced to wear it because she was like, we got it's a wedding.

Like you gotta wear it. And I was, I would, I'm someone who like wears their heart on their sleeve. So I'm just sitting there like pouting. Like, I can't believe I'm gonna, I'm not gonna smile on any single photo because I hate this. Right. So that's the version of me that like comes up. And what was traumatizing about that was that I was voicing that I was uncomfortable, that I didn't like.

Yet, no one was making any changes. I still had to wear the dress. I still had to put up with the itchiness and the discomfort and I then get to go to her and be like, I'm so sorry that you have to experience this, that your voice isn't being heard, that you are stating your needs and your wants, and it's not being met.

Like I get to validate that for her now. And I get to remind her like your voice. What you want matters. Your needs matter, you sitting in discomfort is not. Okay. So that is kind of like the, I guess the overall steps that I took with many, several versions on myself, um, to really give myself permission to be emotional and.

I mean, that situation was like so small, right? Like you would in this grand scheme of things, it's like, oh my God, you had to wear Jess a dress that wasn't comfortable went. But she learned that what she wanted didn't matter, even if she voiced it, even if she was uncomfortable and that trickles on and that belief system continues to evolve because what our brain does is that it understands from and experience it.

It learns like, okay, this is how the world. And since that is how the world works. Your brain starts to find, um, proof like that's true. This is true. This is true. And it starts perpetuating that. And if you consistently think about that over and over it then becomes a belief. So that's why at age 30, I now had issues of my voice.

Doesn't matter. It's been that long. I first wanna say, I love my mom. Like she did everything that she could to the best of her ability with the resources that she had. And I love and respect her so much. However, I can also still acknowledge that I experience levels of trauma from the decisions that she's made.

And that's not that doesn't take away from her parenting. It doesn't take away. From how much I love her or how much she loves me. It's just the ability I need the ability to acknowledge both that can exist. She did her best. And I still was hurt. She did her best, and I still felt trauma to some degree.

And that's the same for any caregiver or any parent both can exist at the same time. The most important thing is that we get to revisit those narratives. For ourselves and get to heal it for ourselves. And it doesn't mean that we're judging our parents or we're, we're talking badly about them. It's our experience that we're healing from and they happened.

And our job is to validate ourselves. And look, we are gonna be the best parents that we can be with the resources that we have, but we also cannot stop how our children are going to perceive that or possibly be traumatized by what we do. Like I've already accepted that my children already be traumatized to some degree by something that I've done, but I'm gonna equip them with the tools to navigate that and to remind them that I still.

Unconditionally love them and will be here for them no matter what. And that is the same, love that I'm working on giving myself because my, my family didn't have the consciousness to know what that looked like and felt like because they never experienced it for themselves. It's so beautiful to look at them with that compassion.

I think that's a huge part of healing your inner child. If you get so caught up in what they didn't do, what they didn't give you without looking at why and understanding who they were as a person. I know with my mom, it was really hard. She wasn't there to give me answers, but I found a lot of healing and diving into what her experience would've been like.

At first, there was a lot of resistance because I was like, it doesn't matter what her experience was like, but it does, you know, it helps give you the answers as to why. Why was I treated this way? Why was I hurt? Why was I traumatized? It's not necessarily judging them. You know, if you wouldn't wanna treat yourself that way or a loved one, you know, why, why would you look at somebody? Any different, whether they've hurt you or not. If you can have that grace and compassion to understand them.

Mm. I love that. Yeah. Because I do think it is important to acknowledge, like, you know, we can do our absolute best to break all the, these cycles, but nobody is perfect.

You know, kind of going back to something we've mentioned multiple times, like. The second that you believe that you can be perfect. You're missing so much giving your kids the tools to cope and work through anything that comes their way is including from you is realistic and a healthy expectation to have. Yeah, so true. That is incredibly powerful. That bus exercise was a big eye opener.

And I think just hearing you talk about that again, I had a big aha moment. I know when I look at reparenting myself, it's in those moments when I'm usually when I'm triggered, you know, or later on when I've processed the trigger, like, okay. Which part of me is feeling triggered? What age is she? What is she experiencing?

The thing that I think I was missing from this, that you just kind of. Gently plugged a little puzzle piece in for me was paying attention to your judgments surrounding that child at that age, that version of you at that age. I know that when I look back at just different experiences in my life, the judgment that I do have in naturally comes up and I've never stopped to assess it and be like, what is the deeper limiting belief here?

What is the belief system? Is causing me to say or feel these awful things about myself that I wouldn't say to somebody who I loved, I am going to be reparenting myself in a different way with that extra added lens. Nurturing yourself, especially when you become a mother and, you know, and learn how to nurture somebody outside of yourself, adds an extra element to being able to nurture yourself.

And I would love to hear how, I mean, recovering trauma is hard and trying to do that as a mother while mothering and trying to break generational cycles of belief is hard. How do you handle mistakes in making mistakes in motherhood? Those moments where you're triggered and you, you know, you make a mistake because inevitably it happens.

You know, we lose our cool, we raise our voice. We don't handle a situation in the best way that we want our best selves to do. And I would love to hear how you care for yourself in that moment. I love that question.

Um, and the, and the thing that I, I really want to encourage, um, moms and anyone to do is to really just raise their awareness around their thoughts.

And, um, that awareness piece is so important because if you. We're having all these reactions, but you're not taking the time to reflect and see what's going on. There's no way you can make a change. So I always first celebrate the awareness. Um, so I'm like, oh, I just caught that. He's spilled the milk on the ground and I'm effing pissed off right now.

Okay. So I'm like, good job. You caught that. And it might not, I might not catch it until I start yelling and I'm like, Like don't do that. Like, you know, like kind of like you shock him, you kinda like, that's like the knee jerk reaction to be like, don't do that. Like stop it, you know? Um, and I always just try to bring it back to like, okay, I just realized I had a reaction and sometimes it might be a little too late to stop it there because the emotions have already started going.

But the awareness piece is always like the biggest thing for me. Celebrate it. Celebrate when you catch that thought celebrate. When you catch yourself yelling, when you start. You know, possibly repeating an old trauma or possibly repeating something that your mom or dad or caregiver was doing to you. So I always celebrate that awareness like, oh, I saw that I caught that.

And the next step for me is to take a deep breath. And these deep breaths honestly have been life changing and I. Really. I hear how, like, ridiculous, that might sound because it's like, it's just a deep breath. I think it was the holistic psychologist, Dr. Uh, lap who really taught me like taking a deep breath, actually activates the part of your brain, the logic side of your brain that tells you this is not an emergency.

Like you do not need to freak out. The world is not ending because the milk is spilled and now you have work to do so. I celebrate the awareness. I take a deep breath and then I empower myself to choose, how do I wanna move forward from. Do I want to continue with reprimanding him for having an accident and actually knocking over the milk or do I want to teach him the natural consequence of that and give him compassion because humans make accidents and it happens all the time and he doesn't need to beat himself up the way that I do whenever I spill something.

Right. So you always have a choice with every thought, like, where do I wanna go from here? I caught that. I caught that reaction. Where do I wanna go from here? How do I want to do this differently? And I have to admit it's really uncomfortable and awkward at first. To like, stop an emotion and be like, you're raging.

You don't need to rage. I'm like, but I'm pissed. I have to clean this. I have so ideas on my plate, like, and it sucks. Right. But the more it's like, it's a learned skill. The more you practice doing things differently, the more you catch yourself in these reactions and the more you for me, it was narrating to my son.

Like I'm really upset. Right? Like I have to clean this up now. Like whose responsibility is it to clean it up? And like, I would still be speaking in that tone and my mind was like, don't do that. Like, that's not the way to do it, but it's like still coming out. Right. But there's a progression that needs to happen first.

And now I'm at the point where he spill something and I'm like, oops, he spilled something. And he's like, like, he still has it. Like, Ugh, I did something wrong. And then I'll go, accidents happened. And he'd be like, yeah, it's okay. Accidents happen. And then I walk into the natural consequence, which isn't like discipline and hitting.

It's you clean up your mess. You go get a paper towel, you stop what you're doing. You stop eating, you, stop playing, whatever it is you go and you clean up your mess and you throw it away. So that for me has been my pro my kind of like progression, but I, I just realized I, I skipped over a part where there's not, it's not every time that I do this.

And when I do kind of snap into that rage and I unleash on him for just having an accident, I then will gather myself after I've like my emotions. Settled or I have regulated myself with either breathing or removed in the room. I would go and apologize to him and let him know. I made a mistake by yelling at you.

Um, he didn't deserve that. It was just an accident and I didn't need to yell at you. And I'm so sorry that I did that. And I engage in a conversation with him. Like, how did that make you feel? And I. Also show him, like I make mistakes and I feel really bad about it, but I promise that I'm gonna try to do better and I'm gonna work on this.

And sometimes I make it playful. I'm like, what do you think mommy should do instead? And he'll be like yell in pillow.

that is so adorable. It's volumes to your parenting too. 

Um, so I mean, it's, it's a journey, it's a journey. And, and we put ourselves in these uncomfortable and awkward and weird situations, but what comes out of it is a deeper connection with our children and a deeper understanding of humans, human behavior, mistakes, and deeper compassion for our.

um, and that's the other part of like the reparenting work and doing the inner child healing work is from that. I now get to pass on that wise inner parent healing onto my children. I now know what to say to them when they're like, Frustrated or in pain because I've let myself go back to those depths of feeling that embarrassment, that frustration, that self hatred.

And now I know like, okay, I just need to validate him. I need to hear him out. I need to let him know that I see him. And yeah, it's really hard, but I'm here with you and I'm here to process anything with you and I'm here to guide you through it. You're not in this alone. 

There was a lot that stood out to me in that the very first one is acknowledging that you don't do this every time. I think that's huge when you are working through breaking cycles and healing your inner child, that not every time is going to be perfect. And I think it's healthy to admit that I also loved that the very beginning you changed the energy. From either feeling deep shame for your response or your reaction to celebrating the awareness.

That alone was very beautiful. Like what a way to start an interaction to look at that and be like, Hey, this is growth that I acknowledged it, that I, you're not focused on what you did and where you slipped up. And that trickles down into what you're teaching your child and how they handle mistakes and how it's responded to.

I also absolutely love that you apologized to your child and you're showing them accountability. If we were to let our pride get in the way and not apologize to our children, what are we teaching them? That somebody that they love and trust can speak to them in this way that can treat them in this.

When really we should be showing them that people make mistakes and that somebody who loves and respects you will hold themselves accountable and that they deserve that accountability. You know, it seems like you walk your child through every step with you, especially at the end, when you mentioned that, what is something else that mommy could have done?

You're introducing the choice to them. That there is a choice. It's not just a reaction and what is something that would've been maybe a better choice and how can we learn from this and grow from this. But when you were speaking earlier about your transition into motherhood and the shift in identity and the shift in your life that happened, I really heard that you were not doing what you fully loved.

And for those who are and can return to work and still feel fulfilled and, you know, happy with what they're doing, that is phenomenal. But I wanna hear more about you leaning into your calling your recognition of the path that you were on, not being the right one and how you shifted that into what you do.

Hmm, great question. Um, you know, I, growing up, I always thought and believed that my purpose here was to make the world a better place. I was in girl Scouts. I was always kind of like, my heart was always like, let's find a way to give back to the people. And when I graduated, I had. Mentors and parents and adults tell me, like, that's not gonna make you money.

I mean, I went to school to become a teacher  and then I graduated and then, um, I, they, they had some truth to it. You know, like a lot of the, the work, the humanitarian work, like doesn't make you money. And I. Really had to sit with that. And it brought me on a trajectory of more focusing on the money. And that just brought me further from myself.

And so as I was a mom of a newborn. Working at a corporate career. I started looking for different avenues that I was always good at, but never had the courage to possibly make money from. And then also this mantle, like.  let's just not do things for money. Let's just focus on the things that bring me joy and the things that don't feel like work.

But I love doing, and I like, let's start talking to the people that I actually enjoy talking to, and let's start focusing our energy on finding, like, what am I naturally good at? What would I freaking love to do? And even if I didn't get paid for it, like, what would I. Love doing, you know, and it took me on this experimental journey, which I really wanna encourage people to go on.

Like you, when you're starting a new venture, like, you don't need to know exactly what that's gonna look like. It doesn't need to be like this decision. Like I'm gonna start a wedding planning. Business. And then you gotta do the whole thing because how do you know you're gonna like it? Like, how do you know there might be some aspects that you like, and there might be some that you don't.

So for me, it was almost an evolution of fashion projects that started from calligraphy. I was doing, um, weddings, writing calligraphy for weddings. And that was really fun when I realized it wasn't as fulfilling for me. And then I was like, okay, well, what. Doing it, that that question kept guiding me, like, what do I love doing?

And what am I naturally curious about? What am I naturally just like so fascinated by? And I let that lead me. And it finally led me to like something that I always been doing, which was giving advice to people. And holding space for people. Like people came to me with like really difficult situations and hard problems.

They're just like, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but like, I'm gonna tell you like about my childhood and about my traumas and about all this stuff. And I'm just like, I'm just here to hold space. And then I realized that. I could help people release like old baggage by giving them insights or giving them tools of how to like reframe the way they thought about themselves.

And that's kind of how like coaching fell into my lap. And I actually don't even. Enjoy client coaching, because it's more of like, I feel like a guide. I feel like a mentor. I feel like I'm just here, like walking you home and being that loving mirror that you may not have ever gotten of. Like, Hey, I see your greatness.

I see your vision. I see what you're talking about. I see the dream that you're saying that you want, and I can hold that vision for you and reflect it back to you to encourage you to keep going down that path. Because for me. , it's kind of grounded in the belief that every person here deserves to live a life of happiness and fulfillment, and to really feel like they're thriving and that's gonna look different for every one of us.

Like everyone's dream is so different and so unique and so nuanced. And I just want to encourage them to build that dream life, to prioritize the feelings of presence. And deep love and deep gratitude because.  what's important. It's not money. Like you don't take that to the grave. Like , that's not your legacy.

Your legacy is you. Um, so that's kind of how I left my corporate career and went into this just fulfilling field where I get to connect with likeminded women. Like you, who are living into their purpose and using their voice to empower. Others and to really make the world a better, more kinder, warm, loving, and gentle place.

You are giving your all to your clients and giving them everything that they need. Your passion is in helping and uplifting others and helping them heal. I can absolutely see that in what you do, hearing your story of. Entering into your coaching and how you've kind of guided yourself. I think it's beautiful that that's kind of what you ended up doing for others.

You ended up being that guide saying, Hey, I've done these things. I can encourage you. What is your main goal for each of your clients when they end a coaching session with.

I want them to leave feeling like they fully trust in themselves and in the decisions that they're making and to really feel capable in, in making these changes in their lives, that might feel scary, but they just know in their hearts that it's right for them.

And I want them to leave feeling empowered that they're doing something differently and they're making changes even though.  they have 30, 20, 30, 40 years of doing something one way and now they're gonna shift and to just really feel confident in that and feel clarity in that and not have to feel so like, Ugh, am I doing the right thing?

Like, is this okay? And Ugh, like, I don't know. It's more of like, you know what I've sat with. And I trust myself now to move forward in this way, because I know that the life that I'm currently living is great, but it's not feeling right. It's feeling out alignment and I'm gonna do something about it. Yeah.

It's just that very clear, concise, empowered feeling of I'm fully capable of living my dream life. And I'm so deserving.  and who better to walk them through that journey than you, who has taken that step by step and has dismantled everything along the way. Reassessed put your intentions into every single step and action that you've taken.

I can't think of a better person to walk them through that journey, that little walk home, like you called it. 

You are so sweet. Yeah, it's really an honor. Like every person that I talk to, even if it's just like a connection call and it doesn't even turn into a client, I just love getting to connect with them on this deep level.

Like, I think you can already tell I'm not like a surface level type. Like how's the weather I'm very much like. Let's go deep. Let's talk and let's really connect because these are the conversations that matter to me, these are the ones that really ripple out and change lives. And I love having those conversations and meeting people in that space where they're ready to make that change, but they just feel a little bit, a little shaky in their decisions.

And I would just wanna be the one to be like,  okay. It's okay to feel shaky. It's okay. Of course. It's scary when you're doing something different and new and it feels foreign, but this was the path you're you're meant to take. 

You know, thank you for bringing your energy onto my podcast. I am so appreciative to have you here. I've learned a lot. I definitely know that I have a lot to take forward into my own life. My motherhood. My business and I'm just, oh, so grateful to have you here with me. 

I'm so grateful too. I'm so glad that you found me and that you felt inclined to reach out because I, like I said, I'm socially awkward, so I don't tend to initiate so I'm so grateful that you did that. I'm honored to get to speak to you and. Wonderful group ways that you serve so beautifully and lovingly. I mean, we are a reflection of one another, so I just know how big hearted you are and your every woman in your community is too. 

There was so many great pieces of wisdom that Cynthia just left for us to continue your journey of healing, your inner child, and reparenting yourself.

Make sure you go check out my episode on how to reparent yourself or head over to my website to find over 40 inner child journal prompts to help you heal your inner. To get more amazing messages from Cynthia. Be sure to go find her ONAC or Instagram at Cynthia Noy or her website. Cynthia Thank you for tuning into the root and rise podcast as always.

I am so grateful to have you here with me today. I hope that this has brought you some insight and inspired you to root and rise in your own life. I love hearing from you. So please follow me on Instagram at root and rise podcast. And be sure to send your comments, questions, or just reach out to say hello.

I love making new friends. If you would like to review notes on today's episode. Head over to root and rise, Make sure to subscribe. And if you loved what you heard today, or know someone who would benefit from hearing it, please take a screenshot and tag me to share this on your social media. My name's Brian.

And until next time I'll be sending you so much light. So you too can root and rise.